"Desperately Honest"

How long has it been since you were totally honest about yourself?

How long since you realized or put away the facade,

understood your total desperation for God?

I spent so many years in fright, wanting to be perceived in a certain light.

Wanting to be "all together", I really wanted to believe.
Trying to be a person that just was not me.

I was afraid.  I tried to believe, running the show of the "Unspecial Me".

I was afraid people would see the gaping empty hole

 that was actually an all too empty soul.

 "Let this go.  The world wants you that way.  Let only my son's work show today"

God said "In my son's blood is truth.  You can be honest.

 He presented Himself so you would be blameless."

So I took off my costume.  Laid it at Jesus's feet.  There I was "The Terrible Me".

So I looked in the mirror without the facade,

"Christ, I am desperate for your cleansing blood."

"My son makes you clean.  Be only true to me.  Don't be afraid for others to see."

Christ said, "Be only desperate for my love and affection. 

Let totally go of any earthly apprehension."

"It will help others learn and grow. What you have learned, please tell and show.

It will help others, encourage them to be honest and real. 

Only His blood will their souls heal."

So now its just me, truly understanding, knowing my honest desperate need.

So now I have peace, I can open up so much more.

Hoping to show through me, Christ's open door.

Without Him, each day I would feel and be alone. No praises. No song.
Without Him I am lost.  Left wanting for something more.
Wandering aimless. Betrayed by sin and impure.

With Him I know realness and  peace as never before.  I know song and joy.
With Him I have purpose.  I have hope.  I know His way.
A sense of belonging my words could never fully convey.