The Leaving

The Leaving

From our first hours with her, I was there.  Never wanting to leave her tiny side.

She was a wonder, a precious dream, a blessing I never thought I would

be allowed.  There was joy with every glance.  There was terror at the

thoughts of this great responsibility.

I could categorize myself as a hovering mom.  That may not be too off base.

I have prayed prayers over her.  Cried when I couldn't get her to eat or sleep.

Laughed at her silly antics.  Had heart attacks at her attempts to be carefree.

I have been frustrated to tears trying to teach and grow her into the girl

I know God knows she can be.  I have stepped over boundaries of good

conduct when I thought she was treated unfairly.  I have been over exuberant

in directing her in playtime with friends. 

My purpose, my life has revolved around her growing.  Physically and spiritually.

Now she is going to kindergarten.

I have had moments scaling from tiny tears to gushing waterfalls of emotion.

I have no idea how my brain will be able to process the leaving when

we drop her off her first day. 

She has been my constant companion, little follower,

helper.  It has been her and I and I and her, for five years now.

How in the world do I leave her and drive away? 

I feel myself being pushed out of one place in life and drawn into another.

She has an exciting new world in front of her, outside the loving

walls of her home and ... SO DO I.

Maybe more time to work on my blog and my service projects.

Maybe a part time job.

Maybe a chance to get more involved in different Bible studies.

Maybe time to actually get projects done at home.

Maybe a chance for painting and other projects.

There will be huge changes, in both our worlds.  The leaving will

indeed weigh heavy on my heart...  but her possibilities are going to

grow by leaps and bounds, and so will mine.

God is all knowing and all perfect.  In every aspect He knows me and

what I need in every aspect of my life.  As I continue to pray those

hedges around her I will pray for grace and praise to be on my tongue and

heart.  Raising thanks for this growing little one.  Knowing what lies in front of

this momentary leaving is a world that I have been helping her prepare for.

2 Samuel 22:3a

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that

saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior...

Psalms 5:11
But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever.

Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may

be filled with joy.