Thursday, November 11, 2010

The smile

I walk to the bedroom door - Another day.  Thoughts lumbering through
my mind.  Daily concerns and a long night make my mind like a thick fog. 
Twisting my fists in my eyes, I wipe away the night's dreams.

Still tired, still heavy, another day to get that bathroom cleaned.  Another
day to try to make that call.  Questions approach without invitation.
"Am I as ordinary as I feel?"
Another day to wonder.
"Will I be a good mommy?"
So much running, stomping through my mind.

I walk through the door.  Another mess.  Another room that needs fixing.
"Did I leave that plugged in all night"
Draws open, disarray.  More clothes that need washing,
"There's my bra!"
"How hard is it to keep these rooms neat?"
"Maybe I will get to it another day."

I walk to her crib.  The smile appears.  Kicking - always kicking. 
 Arms flailing wildly.  Squeals of delight.
So tiny, so hopeful.
I'm so in love.
Sweet lips and soft cheeks.  Two fingers for her to suck on
and behind them a million more smiles.

"Hello, hello, hello"
"Good morning to you, good morning to you"
I say in my sing song voice.  A giggle, another squeal of delight.

I pick her up.  So light, so precious, so strong.  Sucking on my cheek.
"No food there"
Kisses, kisses, kisses.  Another world with her in it.  I can hardly
remember what life was like before. 
Swept into a trance by her every expression, every wiggle, every
sound.  Holding onto my hair with all her might.  Blowing bubbles on
her chubby neck.

A body next to mine.  An arm around my waist.  He's come in too.  
"Go to Daddy!"
 Her arms waving and legs kicking.  She tries to hold his face
in her tiny hands.  Looking at them.  All my life has come to this. 
 Life so fulfilling!
Another day, to do Gods will.  Another day to love her,
teach her, play with her.  Another day to be the wife and
mother God has called me to be.

How blessed by God I feel.  Such strong, clear, peaceful,
happy reception comes from such a tiny smile.

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