Tuesday, October 4, 2011

"To Say I Have Been Struggling..."

To Say I Have Been Struggling Is Like Saying The Universe Is "Big"

There I was walking along through life.  Minding my own business, when fear
sprang from the underbrush and swept my dancing feet right out from under me.

There I lay.  In a puddle of tears, sobbing uncontrollably, feeling void of peace and
joy.  Where were the songs of praise I had just sang the day before?  Where was the
light that was just shining brightly all around me?  It was dark where I was now.
My stomach was gripping into a fist of stone.  My breath would not come easy.  My
heart didn't seem to be doing its job either.  I was in the throws of panic.

Surely there is something medically wrong with me to spend days in this dark dreary place.  I hadn't been diagnosed with a serious disease.  I hadn't lost a loved one.  My marriage was as strong as ever.  My daughter was healthy and had just received good marks on her midterm report.  Why was this seemingly tiny circumstance dragging me to my knees?   Why the tossing turning, waking and crying nights?


I was in the grips of fear.  It was threatening my peace of mind, my attitude.  Its goal seemed to be to destroy me and cast aside the faith Christ Himself had spent so many years building up in me.  It doesn't matter what the fear was about.  To us all, when we are in its grips, there are choices to be made, things to be done.

First, start praying
Second, its okay to be honest about it
Third, its okay to cry
Fourth, get busy and start searching

I called my mom.  We talked for a long time.  As I looked back on our conversation I envisioned a mother sloshing through a bog full of mud and disgusting water.  Getting to her hurting, non-moving daughter, half dragged her, half pulling her out of the water.  With her arms locked around this whimpering mess of me, she tugged us both, as we fell and regained footage back on to semi dry land.

Later I found myself right back in the middle of where she drug me from.  Again God spoke.  "I heard your prayer, now start working.  Faith is dead without it"

I got with a friend (or two) and we hashed it out.  We worked up some scriptures to use as ammunition.  I prayed more and read the scriptures more.  I again vowed to let God take care of what He promises He will. I left this unreasonable burden and fear with my Savior and breathed a breath of peace that I hadn't been able to in days.

I know fear will come again to torment me.  But realize I will ... sometimes life is hard BECAUSE you are doing something right. Not only are we not able to see all the evils lurking near us, we aren't supposed to. We also can't always see the good God is doing because of the tough circumstances we are going through.  I will continue to fight back irrational thoughts not with my words or words from my sweetest of friends but with the Living Word of God.  I will continue to seek Him out each day, as I have been.  Because the time to build up ammunition and strength is not AFTER the battle has started but months before.

God's promises --

He is the light, you don't have to walk in darkness

He has given us a gift of peace

We can have confidence

He says He is with us and takes us by the hand

He frees us from our fears

He counsels us, even in our nights, praise Him for it!

Trust Him, obey Him, praise Him. 

He is our fortress, our protector

He alone is our refuge

Take these promises and scriptures.  Copy and paste these verses onto paper where
you can have them on hand.  These have not only given me comfort but strength.  They will drive out the enemy "who cannot stand to be near truth". Fear not for He is with you!  Trust in the Lord with all your heart!  He loves you so much and is waiting for you to do just that!

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