Sometimes I am not the Proverbs 31 wife Sometimes I'm just a jerk

Sometimes I am not the Proverbs 31 wife
Sometimes I'm just a jerk

I really love this passage.  I love passages that far exceed who 

I am and challenge me.  Passages that show me who I

really am, then make me realize how much I need the Lord.

When I lay this passage out in front of me, I am in awe of

this woman.  I don't want to change her into a far easier person

to be.  I want her to stand as my expectation of perfection.

It hurts a little.  It hurts when I compare her to me.  I see

what I want and then realize what I look like standing next to

her.  I am the woman who just hurt my husband's feelings, 

instead of lifting him up.  I am the woman who just sat and

watched a favorite show in the middle of the day,

instead of being productive.  I am the woman who just

opened a bag of frozen food and put it in the pot, instead

of peeling, chopping, basting and baking.  I am the woman

who instead of her lamp not going out, just fell asleep when

my husband wanted to have some alone time.

Believe me, the poor woman standing in the shadow of

the Proverbs 31 woman, needs a lot of work.  So I open

my Bible.  I bow my head.  I pray to God to help me 

in all the many places I am weak.  I pray for wisdom that 

I do not possess.  I pray for strength where there is sometimes

only sarcasm and weakness.  I set out once again to
choose to make better decisions.

I know I don't look like this woman in Proverbs.  But when
my relationship with My Provider is where it needs to be,
I hold her up as my example of who I strive to be.
I realize until we are all made perfect, I won't be her, totally.
I will be me - loved, needed, flawed, growing, falling,
getting up again; but with God as my guide, I will be getting
familiar with this Proverbs woman, not erasing her because
I am not who she is.

Lord my heart is heavy but not condemned.
I know the woman You created me to be is still growing
and maturing.  She is not perfect, only forgiven.

Change my mind, my heart, my life.  Turn me into
the woman you mentioned in your word.  Teach me this
is a process, a completing, a growing.  The woman I can
be is in the everyday of learning.